Mother Fucking Asshole

I'm fucking pissed. I don't mean to beat this Birthday thing to death but, Asshole and I finally had a conversation about it. It appears that he had a perfectly good explanation for not getting me a present, cake, candles and having the kids make cards. He said he had no money.

I guess I can understand that. Except, that he came home with groceries that day. Now, I know he and the kids have to eat (we keep our food separate, whole 'nother story) and I would rather that they have food than for me to have a present, of course. I would never expect him to do otherwise, if that were the case.

What's not making it an OK excuse for me is that he also had a case of beer with his purchases that day. Which, by the way, was gone in two days as usual. (Meaning he chose beer over doing something nice for me) He also bought more beer on Friday and came home with a bottle of tequila and even more beer tonight. It still hasn't been his payday yet. Gee .... I thought he had no money. Then his kids tell me today about all the money he's been spending on this and that over the weekend while they were running around town with him.

So, I finally mentioned to him tonight that at least SOME effort on his part for my Birthday would have been nice. He's stupid. If he wanted me to buy the "no money" excuse, then he should have tried harder not to spend so much of it in front of me since then.

His response? This is what he had to say. He slurred it, too ..... "I didn't get a birthday because he had to loan me my $73.00 share of the electric bill this month".

Mother

Fucker

Cock

Sucking

Son of a

Fucking

Bitch

From

Motherfucking

Hell

Let me just go muthafuckin OFF for a minute.

The first year we lived together, I carried his ass on his half of the rent for 7-10 days every fucking month.

Lets go back further. When Children Services called him 4 years ago and asked him if he wanted custody of his kids, he was living in my apartment with me because of his stupid ass gambling problem. THEN .... after I told him to go pick up his children, they ALL stayed with me and Jenna in our two bedroom apartment for several months. My furniture that was once new was destroyed by children who, at the time, had no discipline. But I dealt with the invasion of space until he could rent a duplex for them. I made room for them in my home and in my life.

For the first few months of him having them, it was straight out of hell. He didn't know how to deal with them but I helped him when he asked me to and found patience over the next year that I never new I had. I ran out into the parking lot after his 6 year old son every time he threw a fit and tried to get himself hit by a car (intentionally). I taught his 5 year old daughter that food was OK to eat and that carrots won't make you fat. I told her she was beautiful every day because her hair was growing back from when her mom shaved her head when she was drunk to get rid of a case of lice. I flushed the toilet for her in public restrooms because she was afraid of them and I forgave his son after he shredded my custom window panels when he was in time-out. I showed him that it was ok to give and receive affection and to not be afraid of his own bowel movement.

I also dealt with the in-and-out-of-jail, child-neglecter, X-Wife from mother fucking HELL and refrained from beating her ass for her stupidity on several occasions over the next 2 years. Then, when she fled the state, I gave her kids a new mom when they didn't have one. I stayed up with his daughter for days while she was recovering from surgery and cleaned up puke when his son had the flu. When the kid down the road threw rocks at them, it was ME who showed up, kids in tow, at that little shit's door step and had a talk with is parents.

I have done the best I can to provide for them emotionally and materially. Every stitch of clothing AH and his kids have had over the last 4 years was provided by me. AH didn't have a clue how to do those things and I didn't mind at the time. I wanted to be in their lives and there for them. If they needed it, I gave it. That's what a Mom does. And he wants to fuck my special day up over owing him $73.00 for a month for my half of our electric bill.

If it weren't for my cats and having no where to take them, I would have had my and Jenna's shit packed and been out of here tonight. Job or not. I would have went to Grandma's or Mom's or one of my 3 friends who have spare rooms. Fuck. FUCK!!!!! I feel trapped and really fucked over right now.
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(taking 10 deep breaths)
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I have an interview Tuesday. I REALLY need to get a job soon. As soon as I have a job, I can rent a place and move but I can't rent a place without a source of income. No place would rent to me. Even though I have excellent rental references and my Mom would co-sign. I simply don't have an option without a job.

I'm not asking anyone to feel sorry for me. I got myself into this and I'll get myself out. I just needed to vent to keep from exploding. But, anyone who wants to cross their fingers on Tuesday around 12:30 (PST) and wish me luck on my interview, I'll take all I can get. Maybe the next post will have some good news for a change. I'm tired of hearing myself bitch.