Live and Let Live, Signs & Intuition and Need to Move

I am one of those people who say they're spiritual but not necessarily religious. There are certain parts to just about every faith that I am totally down with. For me, it comes down to this, if your faith helps you to be a good person then I'm all for whichever one it is and more power to ya. I'd rather someone worship a tree and be a good person than go to service every other day and then treat their fellow man like shit. That's just me. And I pretty much stay out of religious debates unless someone starts picking on someone else because they believe slightly differently than them. In that case I figure that if the jackass can start spouting shit from his self righteous mouth and attack another person's beliefs then maybe they're man enough to handle what I have to say in response. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for the people who have so much conviction in their beliefs that they feel the need to tell everyone else they're wrong at EVERY SINGLE social function they go to but I'm pretty sure that whatever God they believe in would not approve of one of the flock publicly belittling another person in Their name. We're supposed to try to be KIND to one another, right?

Ok, I guess I had more to say on that than I thought I did and got a little off track. Anyway, I've spent some time researching different faiths when I was looking for where I belong. After a while, I came to the conclusion that I can learn something from all of them. Each has lessons that I can use to grow and be a better person. I am also somewhat interested in ancient and mystical practices and am a big believer in living intuitively. I'm sure that's not what it's called but what I mean is that I think there are events or small signs in situations that can help to guide me if I pay attention to them and if I ever have THAT GUT FEELING, I've learned that I better listen to it because it's usually right. I'm not sure if it's a fate thing, if it comes from a higher power or if it's just weird coincidences but I do know that when I am not sure how to solve a problem, I start paying attention to things around me and it seems like there are signs that end up giving me some insight and making things clearer.

Example: A couple of months ago, I gave a friend of mine a ride to a doctor visit that she had that was 60 miles away. During the ride there, I was telling her that I was struggling with whether to stay with AH (who I have problems with due to his drinking) and try to work it out for his kids sake or to accept that he will not change and move on. It's a very hard decision to make because their mom abandoned them and now I may have to so I've been putting off facing it. After my friend's appointment, we stopped into a restaurant where my friend made some comments, jokingly, about men in general to the waitress. The waitress (who looked to be in her 50's) ended up telling us that she's been with the same alcoholic for the last 20 years and had she known then what she knows now, she would have left him and not wasted her life on someone who couldn't change. I swear that we hadn't even said a word on the subject since we'd gotten there. I took that as a sign. Maybe I'm a freak to believe in stuff like that but I figure what's the harm in paying attention to it just in case. Oh, I also believe in guardian angels and spirit guides so stuff like that really makes me wonder.....Maybe we ended up there on that day and sat in her section because SHE had something to say that I needed to hear.

I also read a post yesterday about someone finally leaving their bad relationship. Just the way she wrote about it made me feel better about doing the same thing. I think people should pay attention to things that seem like coincidences. Who knows, maybe someone really is trying to tell us something.

Maybe I'm just seeing signs in nothing because I'm looking for anything that tells me that I'm making the right decision. I don't know what I'm waiting for. I've already got an apartment picked out. I KNOW that I need to move. I'm reminded in one way or another, daily. AH quit drinking on 3/2/06, made it 25 days then started blaming me because he COULDN'T drink and is already back to drinking every night again. The last 2 nights have been with his slurring starting at about 7:00 and passed out by 9:00. I can't live like this, It's disgusting. I KNOW that leaving is what I need to do for me and my daughter to be happy. I told AH again the other day that we need to give the 30 day notice to the owner of our place here (he can't afford it if I'm not paying half so he'll have to move too). I've been telling him for months that it's coming and he never believes me. He just says "You're not going anywhere" and laughs it off. Up until lately, I've been convinced that he was right. Not anymore. It's inevitable now, I just need to decide WHEN.

I think meeting Mr Fighter man has kind of forced the issue too. I'm not technically SEEING him but if I can be interested in someone else then leaving is the only right thing to do. Even if I never end up seeing fighter man again. It's the THOUGHT that matters. This has been coming for a long time anyway. I just have to get the courage and DO IT. I was scared as hell when I left Jenna's dad but I still took a leap of faith and have NEVER regretted it. I remember just trusting that if I did the right thing that things would work out OK. I need to find the strength in myself to feel that way again. I'm workin' on it.