Poor Toys

My parents bought into a resort time share thing years back and, since I'm immediate family, I get a great deal when I stay there. There are several resort locations along the Oregon Coast where we like to stay and one weekend AH and I headed over to Seaside. We had booked a 2 bedroom for Friday night and a 3 bedroom for Saturday so we also invited my friend to come along.

When we got into town, we stopped at the local grocery store for some shish kabob makings for dinner and breakfast food for the morning and stocked up on tequila and mixers from the local liquor store. When we got to the resort, we checked into our unit, unpacked and put away our things, mixed up some drinks and fired up the grill on the patio for the shish kabobs. After dinner, we put on our suits and with our drinks in hand, went down to take advantage of the heated pools and hot tubs. My friend and I really wanted to find a night club after that to go dancing at but by then AH was in no shape to go out so we played some pool in the rec room and called it a relatively early night. It was OK though, we still had Saturday night to look forward to.

The next morning we ate breakfast, packed up all our stuff and checked out by noon. We couldn't check back into the other unit until 4:00 so we walked around Seaside for a while and then spent some time on the beach. A hail storm blew in around 3:00 and chased us off the beach so we stopped into a nearby clothing store for shelter and I bought myself a purse. The whole afternoon, I had this funny feeling that something was wrong. I figured it was just the weird feeling of being away from home and tried to relax.

After 4:00, we checked back in and unpacked AGAIN for the night and my friend and I convinced AH to go out dancing. We found a great night club 2 blocks from the resort and headed out for the evening all decked out. 10 minutes after we got there, AH decided he didn't want to be there, so he bailed on us and walked back all by himself. My friend and I stayed. Screw him, we decided, we were going to have some fun on our last night there. They had a good band and we danced for a while until the storm knocked the power out and the whole club went dark. The club staff made the best of it, though, and brought out candles. The band started up again playing and singing (unplugged) and asked the audience for requests. The rest of us kept dancing while everyone else sang along. The power did come back on for awhile but then went out again. By that time, a very conservatively dressed and highly intoxicated young Russian girl had made her way up onto the stage and was gyrating and singing to LIKE A VIRGIN. Apparently, it was her bachelorette party and, lemme tell ya, she was having a great old time. We met another group of girls who were also from out of town and we ended up having a pretty fun night.

My friend and I pretty much closed down the place and stumbled the two blocks back to the resort. I was back in our unit and ready to go to bed somewhere around 3:00 am and that's when it hit me.......OMFG!!! I left my toys in the night stand of the unit we stayed in the night before. By toys I mean, TOYS. Hey, I was on vacation and sometimes AH and I get a little freaky when we're out of town and drinking and my friend DID have her own room so we had TOTAL privacy and I'm not gonna explain anymore 'cus I'm just not and I don't have to. ANYWAY, I had been in a hurry when I was packing for the trip, so I had just quickly grabbed my small carry all where I keep several things. In it was my Rabbit Pearl, my Dancing Dolphin (ladies, if you don't have one, go GET one, TRUST ME), a brand new bottle of Eros lube and my back up supply of AA batteries. And I had left them ALL in the night stand of the unit we stayed in the night before.

First, I imagined some innocent old couple or worse, a child, opening the drawer to reach for the phone book and finding my little naughty bag of tricks. I was horrified. As I thought it through, I hoped that the maids had found them first before anyone else checked in. I hoped and prayed. Then it occurred to me that if the maids did find them, the resort might attempt to return my belongings to me in which case they would be sent to the address on file. That would be my parents house since they are the owners. That would be GREAT. Or maybe they would even call them first. Either way, I decided that I had to do SOMETHING. QUICK. We were supposed to check out at noon which now was only 9 hours away.

So, smashed on tequila, and in the middle of the night, I called down to the front desk to explain the situation. Imagine me slurring as I gave the description of the items that I had lost. I gotta give them some credit. The young lady I talked to was very nice and assured me "not to worry, it happens ALL the time" Me: "that's very kind of you to say, but I'll bet it doesn't". She also assured me that anything left behind would surely have been found by housekeeping and she would check on it (with the utmost discretion) and call me back.

I woke up on the couch in the living room , by the phone, at 11:40. (20 minutes until check out time) I woke AH and my friend so they could start packing up as I called back down to the front desk. The night crew had gone home and left no information for me so I got to explain it all to ANOTHER young lady all over again. She checked with housekeeping and told me that my toys had been found by housekeeping and disposed of for the safety of the staff. I asked if she was sure and at that moment felt sorrow for my loss. I thanked her for checking on it for me and then accepted that at least they weren't discovered by other guests or sent to my parents house. AH and my friend laughed at me the whole way home. Meanies. That was over $150.00 worth of good times. Oh, the good times we had together. GONE Forever.

Everything has since been replaced and time is gradually fading my embarrassment but I do still wonder about something. They said they were "disposed of" but were they REALLY? What if somewhere in Seaside, some crack ho maid is molesting herself with my poor defenseless little toys? It's just too painful for me to wonder about and the visuals give me nightmares so I try not to think about it.

And I think I should wait a while longer before I stay at the Seaside resort again. I mean, what if I spent my whole trip giving the housekeeping staff the evil eye trying to figure out who looks shady enough to be the kidnapper of my toys. That wouldn't be a fun trip. Or what if, during my stay there, I was walking down the hall and heard a buzzing sound from one of the rooms and busted the door down trying to reunite with my long lost Roger Rabbit (the Rabbit Pearl) only to find just an old naked guy standing there with a beard trimmer? That wouldn't be good either. I definitely think it would be better if I give it some more time.