"Bitch, party of one"

I must really be PMSing or something because now I'm just being mean. For no damn reason. OK, I have tons of reasons to be a bitch to AH. I've stored them up over the last 4 plus years. They're in a shoe box in the closet. Alphabetized. With picture references glued to the tabs. Really. 8042 of them. But lately, just looking in his general direction and watching whatever he happens to be doing at the time pisses me off. I can rarely stay for any length of time in the same room as him because he fucking repulses me. Have you ever looked over at someone who is just watching the TV and all it takes is the expression on their face to power up the laser gun in your forehead? Dumbass, gaping mouthed, fish face. Pshewwww! Laser beam of murder death kill right between the eyes. He has no idea he's just been annihilated. He has no clue. He just looks over at me......"what?" Me: "Nothin."

Gees I hate him. He has seriously turned me into a bitch. It's his fault. I am blameless. I was a peaceful person when he found me. HE found ME. I had nothing to do with that either. In fact, HE is exactly why a particular friend of mine is no longer allowed to go out with me. She has the worst taste in men. She tried to hook me up with a man at a garage sale we went to, tried to pawn me off on the toothless produce manager at the grocery store, she even tried to set me up with the gay Coca-cola delivery guy. AFTER she found out he was gay, she still tried to tell him he should reconsider 'cus "her friend is such a catch". HE'S GAY!!!!! AS IN, NOT INTO GIRLS, GET IT???? Then she picked AH out for me one night in bar because she decided he had a nice package. (In jeans, of course) Then he kept asking her about me. I told her every time we ran into him and his brother there that he was NOT my type. She insisted that I was too picky and had been single too long and I should give him a chance. After their constant pressuring of me, I figured, I have no one better to do right now and I can always get rid of him later if I don't like him ...... Now it's 4 years later and I'm with the same dumbass and pissed off at him because he chose to eat peanut butter toast for breakfast. Yeah, I hate him that much right now. Everything he does pisses me off. This is my thought process right now...

Look what the assmunch is doing now. He's making peanut butter toast for breakfast. I fucking hate peanut butter and toast scratches up the roof of my mouth. And if you're gonna make peanut butter toast, you don't put butter on it first. That just makes it hard to spread the peanut butter. It doesn't stick. Oh, well, he doesn't spread anything right anyway. He never gets it all the way to the corners. Yeah, he never gives a shit enough to not do something half-assed. I never trusted anyone who doesn't spread stuff all the way to the corners. Nothing worse than a dry bite of whatever on bread. Yeah, can't fucking depend on him for anything. Not that we can ever eat anything together anyway with the shit he makes. Who puts thousand island dressing and Parmesan cheese on a baked potato or pours a can of corn, crackers and catsup in a bowl of chili. I don't even like chili. He eats too much damn chili. Then he sits around and farts and thinks it's funny. Inconsiderate asshole. And what's with mixing the salsa and the guacamole together in the same bowl? If I ever wanted to dip a chip, it's all fucked up. Fucknut never thinks of anyone but himself, EVER. Fucking hate him.

This is all while he's spreading the peanut butter in his half-assed, could give a shit about anyone but himself way he is. He finally looked over at me.

AH: What?
Me: You make sucky food.
AH: I can't be good at everything.
Me: Yeah, but you'd think you'd be good at SOMETHING.
AH: One thing I was really good at was...
ME: Drinking beer? *I interrupt* Gambling? Watching strippers? Ya know, you really should make it a goal someday to become good at something worth while.
AH: *snicker* I was really good at Thai Qwan Do, actually.
Me: Yeah, OK, *I could beat your ass*, whatever you say.
AH: I was the best in my class.
Me: It must have been really difficult going up against all those ten year olds.
AH: Nah.....it wasn't just 10 year olds. There were a lot of various different people in there. There was my 8th grade math teacher and a retired Vietnam vet....
Me: Wowwwww.......Reeaalllyyyy? By the way, you don't say "various and different" right next to each other in the same sentence. They sort of mean the same thing...like saying "a little small something"
AH: You say that all the time.
Me: Wish I didn't have to for emphasis.
AH: *silent, TV watching fishface*

DUMBASS.

EDIT: For those of you who are shaking your heads and saying "If she hates him so badly that she wants to put a hammer in his temple and bury him in the woods, then MAYBE she should not live with him anymore", gawl, thanks for the tip.......I never thought of that. Seriously, I am in the process of picking out a new place to rent and will be giving my notice to our landlord here soon. AH already knows I'm leaving him. It's more complicated than it seems and there are some things to figure out but I am working on it. Just so ya know.

Hey!.....Come Out and Play by Offspring is playing on my iTunes mix right now...."Hey, Man, you disrespecting me? Take 'em out. You got to keep 'em separated" Fits my sitch right now don't you think?

Re: Slide Shows

"Hey Sherri, what's with the annoying slide shows of your cats? One slide show, maybe I could see that, but don't you think three of them with hearts all over the place is a bit much?"

Me: "I love my kitty cats. Bite me."

Kharma

Mini

Oscar

Age 13, Halloween Night

I was 13 years old and it was Halloween evening. My mom had gone to another town an hour away to have my grandma (her mom) and grandpa help her buy a car. She needed a new one because the car she had before was taken from the parking lot at her work by her asshole X-husband (my baby brother's dad) so she now had no transportation. She took my little brother (then age 2) with her and I was supposed to make myself some dinner and go trick-or-treating with my friends.

I decided on a hamburger and fries. The hamburgers were left over from the night before and the potatoes were already sliced and soaking in a pan of water in the fridge. I grabbed a pan, filled it half way with oil and turned the burner on to heat it up. I grabbed a handful of fries out of the water, dropped them in the cold oil and then headed down into the basement, where my room was, to throw on my costume. You can pretty much imagine what happened next. Yeah, I know now that oil and watery potato slices don't mix very well but I was just a kid. I came back upstairs to find the stove on fire and the kitchen cabinets engulfed in raging flames clear to the ceiling.

We didn't have a phone at the time so I couldn't call 911 and I didn't know what to do. My mom's temper was a force to be reckoned with and I feared her much more than the fire so I grabbed a towel from the laundry room and ducked down beside the stove to beat at the flames. It became very clear after I singed half my hair off that the fire was completely out of control so I ran to the neighbors and frantically told the girl (who I went to school with) that our house was on fire and she needed to call 911 for me. She didn't believe me until I made her step out onto her porch where she could see the black smoke billowing into the sky.

While she made the call, I ran back to the house. The whole kitchen was consumed by now and flames were coming out of the back door to the house. I ran down into the basement and got the hose, hooked it up to the outside of the house and started spraying it inside the door and into the kitchen. The next thing I remember is waking up on the front yard with a firefighter leaning over me and an oxygen mask on my face. I turned my head to look up at the house just in time to watch my mom's bedroom window explode. The fireman asked me if my mom had a waterbed and, when I said yes, he replied "not any more". He asked if there was anyone else in the house and when he was sure that I was clear on that, left me on the lawn by myself to be stared at by the trick-or-treaters passing by.

There was no way to get a hold of my mom so all I could do was wait. The neighbor girl's mom was kind enough to let me wait there so that's where I went. It just so happened that the girl was having a Halloween dance party that night so while my school mates partied in the garage, I watched the clock from a sleeping bag on her bedroom floor.

Our neighbors across the street came and got me when my mom got home. They had been watching for her to get home and she was now sitting at their kitchen table talking to my grandparents on the phone and telling them what had happened. She came home with a new car and now had no home. When I walked into the kitchen, she stopped just long enough to tell me that I had ruined everything she had worked for in the last 13 years, she hated me and couldn't stand to look at me. I went in the living room and waited for grandma to get there. I figured the further away I was, the safer I would be.

Before you feel too sorry for me, I will tell you this. My mom may not have loved me enough to conquer her rage but I am my grandma's favorite. She would tell you this herself. She ran to me crying her thank yous to God that I was OK and hugged me so long and so hard that I had an imprint on the side of my face for 3 days from her glasses. No joke.

We lived with my grandma for the next month or two. It's a good thing we did because she saved my life in those first few weeks several times. We would all be sitting quietly watching TV and Mom would leap off the couch with no warning and dive for my throat. My grandma, who is all of about 5'3" and 120 lbs, would get in front of me and stop her daughter in her tracks with her finger in her face and a stern "you will NOT lay a hand on that child". I could see cold, black hatred in my mom's eyes but she would go back and take her seat.

In her defense, she had just gone through a nasty divorce, was working full time for the state as an AFS caseworker (not a fun job), raising a 13 and 2 year old by herself with no child support, had lost her car and just managed to get another one, had no renter's insurance so she was being sued by the home owner's insurance company for the value of the house (which was totally destroyed) and had lost all of her belongings. To add insult to injury, the only thing that survived the fire was my bedroom furniture because my room was in the basement.

I still feel bad for what I did. I know it was an accident but it was still my fault. I remember that by Christmas we were finally moved into our new home. Sitting on the couch that the church had donated to us, my baby brother and I opened our 2 gifts. Someone had put us on a giving tree of some sort and we each got a stuffed animal and a tree ornament. I still have them, a blue bunny and a rocking chair. There's a Polaroid picture of it somewhere. My mom watched us open them up and then went to take a nap. I listened to her crying from down the hall.

I'm sorry for being such a bummer and telling such a sad story but I had nothing else to post and something made me think of the house fire tonight.

I still think it's weird that it happened on Halloween night when I was 13, although October in general has been an unlucky month for me. Why you ask? Well..............not all in the same year of course, but in various October months, I burned my house down, split up with the love of my life, had a miscarriage and got in a major car accident that injured me very badly (a story I will tell someday). Those are just the major one that I was able to think of right now. I'm sure there's more. I pretty much try to lay low when October rolls around and sometimes make it through it without incident. You can bet I'm looking out for stuff, though. If that's being superstitious, I don't give a shit.

When I Say He's an Idiot, I mean he REALLY is an Idiot.

Me: I'm trying to stay calm but if you are going to continue to be a dick to me then I am going to become a major bitch here in about 2.5 seconds. Did you want to go there or not?
AH: That's really not fair.
Me: What's not fair?
AH: I get home from working all day and you're going to be a bitch to me.
Me: So, I should just let you be a dick to me and take it? Hell no.
AH: Well, I shouldn't have to take it either.
Me: I said IF you are going to be a dick then I am going to be a bitch back to you. If you are not going to be a dick, then I won't. You have a choice. It's fucking exhausting trying to talk to you. I can't believe that I just had to provide an explanation on that.

Jenna's Poem to her Dad

My daughter just brought me this poem she wrote last night. Man, is she mad at her dad.

Butt-Hole by Jenna

Dad, I love you
Do you love me too?
Do you know how much
you make me hate you?

You make me sad,
then you make me mad.
How can you call
yourself a dad?

Each visit between us
gets longer and longer.
But it's Ok. I'm a little girl.
It will only make me stronger.

What's wrong with you?
Do you have a condition?
Or is making me sad
your number one mission?

It's OK, it's alright.
I don't totally hate you.
But a dad, from now on,
I shall never EVER call you.


Whew. Little Girl is pissed off. Her dad hasn't seen her for over 2 months now and he just lives across town. So, I don't blame her. It started when he married his latest wife and has gotten progressively worse. She and Jenna don't get along very well so he tries to avoid the whole situation and Jenna is the one who suffers. This has been brewing for a while now. I think it's time for me to step in whether I like it or not. I haven't gotten into it so far because I'm afraid I might beat her ass. Oh well, I guess it'll make for good blogging if I do. If you want some history on her, read Dead Girl Walking.

From JOKEMAIL

I have nothing to post today except bitching about Asshole and trying to find a job and I just don't have the energy right now to be pissed off so I'll post this instead. I got it off of Jokemail. Go check it out sometime. It's nothing but jokes and funny emails ~ Sherri
-------------------------------------------------------------
CSA

The following are all replies that British women have put on Child Support Agency forms in the section for listing father's details: These are genuine excerpts from the forms

01. Regarding the identity of the father of my twins, child A was fathered by Jim Munson. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of child B, but I believe that he was conceived on the same night.

02. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my child as I was being sick out of a window when taken unexpectedly from behind. I can provide you with a list of names of men that I think were at the party if this helps.

03. I do not know the name of the father of my little girl. She was conceived at a party at 3600 Grand Avenue where I had unprotected sex with a man I met that night. I do remember that the sex was so good that I fainted. If you do manage to track down the father can you send me his phone number? Thanks.

04. I don't know the identity of the father of my daughter. He drives a BMW that now has a hole made by my stiletto in one of the door panels. Perhaps you can contact BMW service stations in this area and see if he's had it replaced.

05. I have never had sex with a man. I am awaiting a letter from the Pope confirming that my son's conception was immaculate and that he is Christ risen again.

06. I cannot tell you the name of child A's dad as he informs me that to do so would blow his cover and that would have cataclysmic implications for the British economy. I am torn between doing right by you and right by the country. Please advise.

07. I do not know who the father of my child was as all squaddies look the same to me. I can confirm that he was a Royal Green Jacket.

08. Peter Smith is the father of child A. If you do catch up with him can you ask him what he did with my AC/DC CDs?

09. From the dates it seems that my daughter was conceived at Euro Disney. Maybe it really is the Magic Kingdom.

10. So much about that night is a blur. The only thing that I remember for sure is Delia Smith did a program about eggs earlier in the evening. If I'd have stayed in and watched more TV rather than going to the party at 146 Miller Drive, mine might have remained unfertilised.

11. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my baby, after all when you eat a can of beans you can't be sure which one made you fart.

"Prayers, thoughts...Whatever it is you do..."

Hi All. CP needs our help. If you don't usually read her blog, please do so today. Her son needs our thoughts, prayers, positive energy, whatever. Thank you for taking the time to do this. It's important.

Farfa Kinowt

SOMEONE asked me the other day what the name of my blog meant. My reply was "seriously?" I thought it was obvious if you said it out loud. Farfa Kinowt = Far Fuckin' Out. Then it occurred to me that there may be others out there who are also wondering. The photo below was the inspiration for it.

Sweet Sounds

My daughter is singing. I'm in the living room and she's in her bedroom with the door closed and I can hear her singing. AH is asleep and has to be up in an hour to get ready for work and she shouldn't be singing so loudly in the middle of the night. I'm not gonna make her stop though, because she has a beautiful voice and I love to hear it. She has always sang because I've always sang with her. I gave her the gift of loving music from the very start. This is one of those mommy moments when you see something good in them that came from you and get to feel really good about it.

It's so hard to know how to raise them when you weren't given a very good example from your parents. Father no where to be found and a mom that is struggling to pay all the bills and deal with her rage at the world. I cried myself to sleep when I was 13 and was sure that I wasn't loved. My daughter sings. I'm so proud of myself right now. I don't know what I'm doing. I'm winging it. But I love the hell out of that little girl in there and she knows it. At least I make sure of that. And she is a wonderful person with a big heart and a creative mind and I couldn't ask for more. She inspires me to be a better person. Sometimes I think she teaches me more than I teach her. I'm not sure where I'm going with this. I just can hear her singing and it feels good.

Friggin' Cat

If my blog looks different it's because I'm having to redo it. I went to check on a post the other night and there was nothing but a blank pink screen. So, I opened my template. The whole last 3/4 of it was missing!!! I tried to recover it and nothing changed. I had to select my template again and start from scratch. Everything in the sidebar was wiped out. All my links, blog roll, stat counter, parental advisory, GONE.

The only thing I can think of is that I had the template open while IMing with a friend and my cat was laying on the desk right beside me so she had to have hit just the right key somehow and deleted the last part of it and then I didn't notice and posted and republished and it saved it like that. I'm backing that shit up on a word document from now on.

Friggin' cat.

OK, OK, Quit hitting me!!!

Damn! I take a small break from posting and these feisty women get all up on me about it. Well, I guess it has been a while. Sorry about that. Let's see......hmmm. What all has happened since I last posted.

• I got called from the temp agency about a job

• I had another rotten evening with AH and had to pack a bag and leave for the night so I wouldn't hit him in the head with a hammer and end up in jail doing 25 to life

• I lost another 5 lbs

• I found out that this guy who has been booty calling me trying to get me in bed told his girl friend that I was stalking him because she found my # in his phone

• I ran into him out the other night and told him off for saying lies about me and right after that he text messaged my friend who was sitting right next to me and asked her to go home with him. She went over to him and slapped him and caused a huge scene because she slapped the WRONG GUY so she got kicked out for the night and now everyone is laughing about it.

• I ran into the guy she slapped last night and talked to him for a while. He's very cute.

• The temp agency called and canceled my interview with that job they lined up for me because they found someone else to fill the position already and I'm very bummed about it.


So there you have it. My not so exciting life lately. I'm just trying to get a job so I can move away from AH and trying to have a little fun time with friends on the side.

Oh, BTW, it was DRAMA night at the bar last night. I could swear that people lost their minds! Someone said it might have been a full moon. Did anyone else have a rough day or anything strange happen?