Do you know what I'm doing?

No, I'm not doing THAT!

I'm PACKING!!! I am actually packing my things into boxes. It's seeming more real now. I have 20 boxes from the liquor store in my front room waiting to be filled up. BTW, if you didn't already know this...liquor store boxes are the BEST for moving. Our local store charges ten cents per box and they sturdy as hell because they are made to carry heavy breakable liquor bottles. They're also mostly the same size so they stack really well in a UHaul. Anyway, I get the keys tomorrow and I'm so excited I can't hardly stand myself. This time next week I will be all settled in. It's still hard to imagine this is really happening.

I I I I AM AM AM AM MOVING MOVING MOVING MOVING !!!!

I know, I've been away for a while. I have a good excuse though........... I was house hunting. THIS is my new home!!!



YAY!!!!!!! (minus the FOR RENT sign in the front yard, which needs watering by the way) I'll have to fix that. Anyway...... It's a 3 bedroom ranch style with a fireplace and a large, fenced in back yard. And it's in a GREAT neighborhood on a quiet street where the kitties can roam without too much fear of cars. It looks smaller than it really is in the picture for some reason. Not sure why but who the fuck cares? It's going to be tons of room for me and Jenna. We LOOOOOOOVVVVVVVVVEEEEEE it!!!! I just signed the rental agreement today, will get the keys on Sunday and can start moving in as soon as Monday. I just told AH tonight and guess what I realized after I broke the news to him ..... TOMORROW (Friday the 29th) is his birthday. I kind of feel bad a little bit. But hey, how's THAT for karma? Aint it a bitch sometimes? Fuck up MY birthday and see what happens. I don't think he'll be having that great of a time on his thinking about us moving out and all in a few days. I tried to tell him I was gonna move. I've been telling him for months so he can't say he had no warning.

Well, I'm going to try to not worry about him and concentrate on a new start for Jenna and me. After I get the keys, maybe I'll post some more pictures of the place. The kitchen is WAY cool. It has burgundy/red walls, a black and white checkered floor and black counter tops. I'm wondering what my decor theme should be in there. The obvious choice is Italian Bistro - ish. I'm not sure that's really me, though. I almost wanna do some really cool midevil castle shit in there but I'm gonna wait until I'm all settled in and can do some thinking on it.

I'm gonna be really busy in the next couple weeks with moving next week and then starting my new job the week after so no guarantee on the posts but I'll do better once we get all moved in. I HATE moving. SUCKS. ASS. HARD.

They don't really want me to use this feature, do they.

I have this great new feature on my Instant Messenger. Apparently, I can now appear offline and still chat with my contacts if I want to. Is said to click "here" for instructions on how to do it. So I did. And this is what I saw.



The best part of this is the little smiley, neutral and frowny faces at the bottom left of the screen next to the only writing that I was able to read on the page. It says "Is this topic helpful?".

I wish they had a comment box beside it for free form text. My ass would be typing in little teenie tiny letters "IT MIGHT BE IF I COULD FREAKING READ IT!!!"

Jenna just spent the last 10 minutes dying laughing at me because I had my face pressed up against my LCD monitor going cross eyed. I'm sooooooo fucking stubborn and I love a challenge.

Edit: I posted a screen print instead of the link because, apparently, it shows up with normal sized letters on OTHER PEOPLE'S computers and my post wasn't making any sense. On mine, the writing is in little teenie tiny ant sized letters that are not even remotely readable.

The future's so bright, I gotta wear shades.

The Bible-thumping racist Missourians have left. They started up their little luxury trailer / pickup truck at 4:00 am this morning and headed out. Don't let the rocks I'm throwing from the window hit ya in the head folks! Duck and cover, safety first and all that shit. And of course you're welcome back next year. I won't be here.

Guess what?????? Sherri has been house hunting!!!!! *big cheesy grin* I have two houses that I'm scheduled to look at tomorrow. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I am sooooo close now. Oh, and check this out. This is what my horoscope said today ..... "Everything is coming together at last! And just in time, too -- all this hustle and bustle is making you a tad tense. Just hang in there for a few more moments -- sweet rewards come after all of this tough love." Hell, YES. Sweet rewards. Like a fenced in yard for the kitties to roam in while I BBQ for my friends while they soak in the pool with beverages in their hands. A pool table and Karaoke system in the garage would be nice for gatherings in the winter months. And it will be wonderful to not have a drunk asshole passed out on the couch with the remote control up his ass for Jenna's friends to see when the come to stay the night. I swear, she will not be embarrassed by him anymore. And for me, I'll be on the couch in the evenings, after Jenna goes to bed, relaxing after a hard day at work with incense and candles, a glass of cheap champagne and a nice trashy romance novel. It's gonna be like it was when Princess Jenna and Queen Sherri ruled the house. *sigh*

I hope nothing happens to this job to fuck it up. It's scheduled to start on October 9th and I can't wait. There will be lots of ugly-and-bitter-about-it hormonal female coworkers causing drama for me to blog about and lots of new pretty young boys to stand next to me on break and make me look good. I'll have to put out the vibe right away (I'm gonna need some pool partners). Yes, the bitter bitches will be jealous. They always are. I'll make some new gal pals too, though. Some of them are smart enough to realize that there are benefits of being favored by the Queen. Ahhhh, a whole new world of possibilities.



My paycheck will make my bank happy too. When I put the little card in the little drive up box, it will shower green paper upon me and then say "thank you and have a nice day" and I will. I miss MONEY sososososo much!!!! I haven't stepped foot in a shopping center in months and I forgot what White Chocolate Iced Mochas taste like. And I miss my Sauza Tequila treats on the weekends. It's ironic that when you could really use it the most, you're too broke to buy it. I'm stocking up for next time. Hey, I LEARN from my mistakes.

Ignorant whole fucking asshole families

AH's mom and her husband are here from fucking Missouri. In a camper. Parked outside my fucking house. They have been here 3 fucking days. She is a bible thumper who thinks I am a slut for living with her 43 year old son out of wedlock. His drinking is my fault too because "women have the power between their legs to make their men do what they want" so I need to be fixing him using that method. MY BED IS IN THE FUCKING LIVING ROOM. Does she really think we're having sex still?????? Stupid ass woman.

And her husband is a fucking racist. MOTHER FUCK!!!!!!!!!! The things he says and believes are infuckingcredible. I have been staying away from them as much as possible but I caught him throwing around the "N" word as I walked around the corner outside today and about came unglued. I gave my best laser-of-death stare and turned around and went back into the house but they KNOW how I feel about that shit and that WILL be the one and only fucking warning. Like I told AH, if one word of that shit is said within earshot of any of the children, they will be off this property so fucking fast.

I will call the police if I have to and have them escorted the fuck outa here. Maybe when I explain the situation, they'll send out some of their finest young black officers to have the pleasure of dealing with them. That would serve them fucking right. I told AH that he'd better warn them. He said he would but he's such a chicken shit so who the hell knows. He refused to call them on it last time they were here and I told him they weren't allowed to stay here this time and they are here anyway. God, give me strength to deal for just a little longer with ignorant fucking assholes.

storm cloud

Damn, guys. I'm so sorry. I know it sucks so bad when I'm sad but I gotta get this out. I am sitting here.Tear and mascara streaked bawling my freakin eyes out.

I spent all of yesterday with my friend and his family. We were mourning the loss of his mother. He hadn't heard from her for a couple of days last week and when he went to check on her, he found her on her dead on her knees on her kitchen floor. She was in a pool of her own blood and had been gone for two days. Finding her like that traumatized him beyond belief. It still shows in his eyes.

She had lung cancer and the doctors had just started her on her chemotherapy treatments. I hurt so much for what he is going through and I spent the whole day (catholic service and then reception and family gathering) with him and his family listening to her favorite songs, remembering the good times with her, looking at pictures of her life and telling everyone how great it was that her kids were all together and how she would have liked that. It truly was a lovely tribute to her.

I set out that morning thinking "today is all about them and their loss and what I can do to make it a little easier for them to deal with. That's what a good friend does." All day it seemed that I was uncharacteristically gifted with saying just the right thing to make them all smile and feel better about her leaving this earth knowing that they did all that they could for her and showed her that she was loved. I was strong for them when they needed it. I feel like such a good person because I was able to give that to them when my life is such shit.

I was exhausted by the end of the day but still doing OK with all of it until I got home. Then it hit me. My grandma has lung cancer. We thought we beat it with chemotherapy and radiation a while ago. Now it may be back and they are running more tests. I can't get the comparison out of my head. If it has come back, is that the way she's going to go when it's her time? Choking on her own blood? Is she going to be gasping for her last breath and have it not be there? I picture her instead on the floor needing help and no one there to give it. I can't stop thinking of what my friend's mom's final moments must have been like. What an incredibly horrible way to go. It was horrible that she had to go through that and I don't want it to happen to my grandma too. I know that it's doesn't happen the same with everyone. But, it's hard not to think about it.

I'm not crying anymore now. I guess I was right to do something to get it out. Does anyone understand what I'm saying or am I just being overly paranoid? I really wanna know. .................... Ya know, maybe I don't. Maybe I just can't handle any more negatives right now. Maybe I'm tapped out. At least for today. Tell me off tomorrow for being paranoid. Seriously. I think I can handle it then. Just not yet.

I am going to end on a good note, though. I got the call today (while I was at the service reception) from the cell phone company. I am technically hired, even though my formal offer and finalization of employment won't happen until later this month, and I am scheduled to start in the training class on October 9th. It's a ways away, I know, but get this............ I told the gal I am moving and am going to try to get it done before I start to work there. She said the landlord could call her and she would be happy to verify that I am going to be employed by them. Do you know what that means????????? It means that I can start trying to rent a place AWAY from AH right frickin NOW. Did I mention that I moved my bed into the living room area two nights ago? NO? Well, I won't get into THAT story right now. In any case, I am one step closer to being stress free again. Yay me.

It's been a while...

I was actually waiting until I had some nice things to say but it just hasn't worked out that way. Last week was rough and this is a real bummer of a post so move on if you can't handle it right now. No hard feelings.

The cell phone company recruiter lady is on vacation (according to her voicemail message) so I can't find out whether I got the job yet or not and all the bill collectors are calling. AH is drinking more than ever so I'm basically raising his children and my daughter while babysitting a 43 year old man who acts like a retarded 3 year old. A friend of mine lost his mom. He went to check on her and found her in a pool of blood on her kitchen floor. She had lung cancer and had been dead for a couple of days. My grandma's lung cancer may have come back so they're running more tests. My grandpa just got diagnosed with breast cancer and is going in this week for surgery (who knew men got that). My mom went in to the hospital last week for a CAT scan. It showed that she has tumors on her liver so they're doing an ultra sound next week on her. I have been PMSing for days so I spent most of last week crying over all this shit. It's a good thing I'm broke or I'd have been on a tequila binge by now.

When it rains, it pours. I guess I'd rather that all the bad stuff happen at once, though. It would suck worse if it was all strung out to ruin a longer period of life. (I'm trying to think on the bright side here) "Things will get better very soon, things will get better very soon, things will get better very soon."

I am a very independent person and like to be very much in control of my life most of the time. Life has taught me that I can only really count on me so I try to prepare for the worse and I always try to have a backup plan. I think that there are times though, when no matter what you do, things are not in your control. Life can get sooo overwhelming that the only thing to do is to let go a little bit and let whatever is going to happen, happen and try to have some faith that it will all be OK.

After all, things could be worse. It could have been my child who is sick and I am thankful that I have her safe and sound. I still have a roof over my head and a car that isn't much but it's paid for. I am healthy and have the ability to look for work. Very soon I will be employed again and my money worries will be gone like they were before. Soon after that, my daughter and I will be in our own house again with our kitty cats and there will be no drunk on the couch to deal with. And if my family members are sick, at least I live close enough to spend lots of time with them and show them that I love them before they go.

That's all I have to say today.

Things that make me happy

First, I don't have any money and I haven't been out so I haven't seen Z. (my school girl crush from the last post) I have been fighting the urge to go by the bar every night since then hoping to run into him. That would be soooo pathetic. Besides, I truly believe that things happen for a reason and if it is meant to be then I will see him again when the time is right. I can't date until I leave AH anyway. Even though it would be more than justified, it's just not me. I feel guilty enough for cuddling and falling asleep on his couch with him.

Second, I heard back from that cell phone company last Friday. She said they were "moving forward with my application". The last step is waiting for my background check and then they would be making the decision to offer me employment. She said that would take 10 days. She then told me that it would be at least a month before I could start, though, because the training class on 9/8 was canceled and the one on 9/24 is already full. I am doing what I can but I don't know if I can make it another month here. It wasn't bad news but it wasn't what I was hoping to hear so I'm going to still try to get something to make money until then.

I have been trying to be more positive. I'm tired of being bummed out and am trying to think of ways to get my mind off of AH and the job hunt in my free time. So, like my list of things that annoy me, I made another list of things that make me happy.

1. walking in the woods

2. the sound of rain

3. puppy breath

4. when my cat falls asleep on me

5. music

6. driving in the country

7. my daughter's laugh

8. watching Nick at Night programs

9. camp fires

10. Egyptian cotton sheets

11. seafood and steak

12. silver crayons

13. taking photos

14. singing

15. sleeping in

16. puddle stomping

17. watching the waves in the Ocean

18. long talks with Grandma

19. thunder storms

20. power tools

21. taking tests

22. full body massages

23. doing laundry

24. reading trashy romance novels

25. being out with my friends

26. grilling on the BBQ

27. burning incense and essential oils

28. Sauza Tequila and cranberry juice

29. amusement parks

30. watching George of the Jungle (movie)

31. cuddling

32. watching my daughter sleep

33. playing board games

34. stars and moon (anything)

35. going barefoot

36. jeans

37. memories of being with V (the one that got away)

38. a good challenge

39. karma

40. animals (any kind)

41. porch swings

42. down hill snow skiing

43. push up bras

44. brand new double A batteries, Roger Rabbit and Eros

45. vanilla scented anything

46. shopping

47. bubble baths and champagne with a good book

48. hearing "I love you"

49. flying

50. playing craps in Vegas