I'm traumatized

I had two major tests on Monday so went to school like a good little girl. By the time I got done with my 4 classes it was 2:30 and I was ready to go home for a nap. I was also starving because I hadn't eaten anything yet for the day.

So I'm driving down a major street in our town and I pass a police officer who is about to pull out of a side street and end up right behind me. Normally no big deal except my tags expired last month and I haven't gotten new ones yet. I know I put EVERYTHING off. I have no self discipline anyway and going to the DMV is NOT my idea of a good time. So, I did what anyone would do and took an immediate right into a shopping complex and he drove on by. SMOOTH. Note to self: Get your dumb ass to DMV right now before you get a ticket. But wait......Is that Taco Bell right in front of me, big as shit? It is!!! I'm still on a diet but what harm could a bean burito do? It would be just enough food to stop my stomach from eating itself up during the 20 minute drive home. "May I take your order, please?" Yeah, I'll have 1 no 2 bean buritos and 2 ice waters. Thanks. Ok, so I caved and got 2. Wanna make somethin' of it? I thought so.

Anyway, there's a DMV pretty near to where I was but I wanted more drive time so I could scarf my food. Plus, the one closer to my house out South is in a way better part of town and has, well, a bit classier crowd and employees who bathe. So, I make my way across town and into their parking lot. Just as I arrived, my cell rings. It's my chatty friend who talks nonstop forever. I thought about not answering but I haven't returned her calls in a week and I was really in no hurry so I turned off the car and rolled down the window. I let her go on for about a half hour as I sipped down my waters and tried to rinse all the refried beans out of my teeth.

I finally told her that I had to get off the phone 'cus I still had to go into DMV. I had to pee really bad by then and they don't have a bathroom so I was gonna end up holding it. I got out of the car and had to dodge this big ass yellow jacket that was chasing me so I ended up running all the way to the door. (They must like the smell of beans because he followed me the whole way) You gotta be F-ing kidding me......THEY'RE CLOSED! On a Monday? WTF? It's not a holiday. I swung my purse at the bee and quickly read the door... closed Monday and open Saturday. How nice. It would have been nice to know that on Saturday.

SHIT! I gotta pee and there's still a bee after me. There's a grocery store in the same complex so I ran for it. I must have looked like an idiot running in flip flops swinging my purse around my head. I make it inside and head for the bathroom and there are "waiters" in the only 2 stalls in there. You know...waiters...the ones who go into a public bathroom and have to take a shit but they're too embarrassed to let anyone hear them so they sit in the stall with their pants around their ankles and wait for everyone to get done and leave so they can shit in private. And if the person in the other stall is a waiter too then is becomes a "wait off" and the most stubborn one wins. I quickly picked up on the game (because of the prolonged silence) and decided that I had no choice but to join in on it because there was a bee stalking me outside and there wasn't another toilet anywhere nearby anyway. One of them finally gave up and came out of the stall and I'll be damned if this little 16 year old grocery store employee didn't come in the bathroom right then and snuck in there before I could. I actually swore out loud. Now SHE is playing too. SHIT! Right after that, the other one of the original 2 waiters must have given up on shitting privately too. She let loose a scene from "Dumb and Dumber" loud enough for everyone in the store to hear, flushed the toilet and the stall door finally opened.

Then IT came out. This THING that looked like a zombie from "The Evil Dead" comes out walking in slow motion (like zombies sometimes do) pasty white saggy skin, scraggly hair standing straight up, dead black shark eyes, and as bad as I had to piss, I took one look at her...him...it... and the voice in my head said "OH.HELL.NO.I.AM.NOT going NEAR the toilet that THING just got off of." I was seriously in danger of pissing my pants so I stepped back to let IT walk by me, told the voice to shut it and went in. Then, right as I closed the door, it hit me full force in the face. THE STENCH OF THE DIARRHEA SHIT OF THE LIVING DEAD. I dry heaved several times but the thought of getting my face close enough to THAT toilet to hurl refried beans into it snapped me out of it. I was 2 seconds away from running back outa there but I could see though the crack in the door that IT was still standing there at the sink and felt sorry for IT (being the undead and all) and didn't want to offend it by running out of the stall.

I gathered a bunch of toilet paper and held it over my nose and mouth to breathe through, and hovered myself over 5 toilet seat protector sheets and if there was a trophy for speed-peeing I would have won it. I dry heaved a couple more times on the way out of the store and made it back to my car with tears in my eyes. Yep, TRAUMATIZED.

Oh, and that damned yellow jacket was climbing all on my driver's side car door when I tried to get in so I squished the little fucker up against my car with my boot and then ground his black and yellow striped ass into the pavement. He's lucky that I didn't throw up on him after that. Fucker. I was NOT dealing with anyone else's shit for the day. Literally or otherwise.

Here's the moral of the story....
Renew your tags before they expire or you might end up dodging a policeman, breaking your diet at Taco Bell, drinking a bunch of water outside of a closed DMV, chased by a bee, subjected to the evil shit stench of the undead and trying not to throw up on a bee carcass.

The OTHER 2 Kitties

These are my other two indoor kitties. The black one is Mini and the white one with the black markings is Oscar.

I was sitting on the couch minding my own business one late November day when Jenna comes walking into the house with a little white puff ball in her arms and that look on her face. NO! NO,NO,NO,NO,NO and HELL NO! I was already feeding 2 strays, POLO and MEEKOO, and Kharma who lives inside. NO!!! ........ but, OMG how adorable let me hold him for a minute. She said that the neighbors found him all alone in their barn. There was no Momma cat so he appeared to have been dumped off in the country. The neighbors have a home for foster children and don't really have time to take care of animals and it was cold outside so I agreed to let him stay the night at least indoors. I got attached to him really fast because he came down with a cold right after that and then got pneumonia so I spent my time giving him warm baths to loosen the phlem and sitting with him by the humidifier and letting him sleep under my chin. Before I knew it, it was Christmas time and you can't just get rid of an animal at Christmas time so...I named him Oscar. There's really no story behind that, he just looks like an Oscar. He growls like a cougar and when AH scolds him he swipes at AH in retaliation. He cuddles with me and Jenna though and I swear he thinks he's a dog or a small bear. His personality goes from whiny baby boy to Mr 10-foot-tall-I-can-take-on-anyone-or-anything. But he's officially staying with us and that's that.

Mini was my friend's kitten and she's just a little older than Oscar. My friend broke up with her boyfriend and had to move so I agreed to take her. They had named her Miss Bliss and she was a holy freakin' terror. She was vicious and outa control when we first got her and the name just didn't fit. I started calling her Meanie instead of Bliss. My daughter is the animal whisperer though, if I hadn't mentioned it before, and now she's a sweetheart. She loves to play with Qtips and will play fetch for hours. She's probably the smartest cat I've ever had and after she got to be so nice we switched her name to Mini instead of Meanie. My friend is going to take her back though when I move because I can't have 3 cats in an apartment. We'll miss her but we can always visit.

Live and Let Live, Signs & Intuition and Need to Move

I am one of those people who say they're spiritual but not necessarily religious. There are certain parts to just about every faith that I am totally down with. For me, it comes down to this, if your faith helps you to be a good person then I'm all for whichever one it is and more power to ya. I'd rather someone worship a tree and be a good person than go to service every other day and then treat their fellow man like shit. That's just me. And I pretty much stay out of religious debates unless someone starts picking on someone else because they believe slightly differently than them. In that case I figure that if the jackass can start spouting shit from his self righteous mouth and attack another person's beliefs then maybe they're man enough to handle what I have to say in response. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for the people who have so much conviction in their beliefs that they feel the need to tell everyone else they're wrong at EVERY SINGLE social function they go to but I'm pretty sure that whatever God they believe in would not approve of one of the flock publicly belittling another person in Their name. We're supposed to try to be KIND to one another, right?

Ok, I guess I had more to say on that than I thought I did and got a little off track. Anyway, I've spent some time researching different faiths when I was looking for where I belong. After a while, I came to the conclusion that I can learn something from all of them. Each has lessons that I can use to grow and be a better person. I am also somewhat interested in ancient and mystical practices and am a big believer in living intuitively. I'm sure that's not what it's called but what I mean is that I think there are events or small signs in situations that can help to guide me if I pay attention to them and if I ever have THAT GUT FEELING, I've learned that I better listen to it because it's usually right. I'm not sure if it's a fate thing, if it comes from a higher power or if it's just weird coincidences but I do know that when I am not sure how to solve a problem, I start paying attention to things around me and it seems like there are signs that end up giving me some insight and making things clearer.

Example: A couple of months ago, I gave a friend of mine a ride to a doctor visit that she had that was 60 miles away. During the ride there, I was telling her that I was struggling with whether to stay with AH (who I have problems with due to his drinking) and try to work it out for his kids sake or to accept that he will not change and move on. It's a very hard decision to make because their mom abandoned them and now I may have to so I've been putting off facing it. After my friend's appointment, we stopped into a restaurant where my friend made some comments, jokingly, about men in general to the waitress. The waitress (who looked to be in her 50's) ended up telling us that she's been with the same alcoholic for the last 20 years and had she known then what she knows now, she would have left him and not wasted her life on someone who couldn't change. I swear that we hadn't even said a word on the subject since we'd gotten there. I took that as a sign. Maybe I'm a freak to believe in stuff like that but I figure what's the harm in paying attention to it just in case. Oh, I also believe in guardian angels and spirit guides so stuff like that really makes me wonder.....Maybe we ended up there on that day and sat in her section because SHE had something to say that I needed to hear.

I also read a post yesterday about someone finally leaving their bad relationship. Just the way she wrote about it made me feel better about doing the same thing. I think people should pay attention to things that seem like coincidences. Who knows, maybe someone really is trying to tell us something.

Maybe I'm just seeing signs in nothing because I'm looking for anything that tells me that I'm making the right decision. I don't know what I'm waiting for. I've already got an apartment picked out. I KNOW that I need to move. I'm reminded in one way or another, daily. AH quit drinking on 3/2/06, made it 25 days then started blaming me because he COULDN'T drink and is already back to drinking every night again. The last 2 nights have been with his slurring starting at about 7:00 and passed out by 9:00. I can't live like this, It's disgusting. I KNOW that leaving is what I need to do for me and my daughter to be happy. I told AH again the other day that we need to give the 30 day notice to the owner of our place here (he can't afford it if I'm not paying half so he'll have to move too). I've been telling him for months that it's coming and he never believes me. He just says "You're not going anywhere" and laughs it off. Up until lately, I've been convinced that he was right. Not anymore. It's inevitable now, I just need to decide WHEN.

I think meeting Mr Fighter man has kind of forced the issue too. I'm not technically SEEING him but if I can be interested in someone else then leaving is the only right thing to do. Even if I never end up seeing fighter man again. It's the THOUGHT that matters. This has been coming for a long time anyway. I just have to get the courage and DO IT. I was scared as hell when I left Jenna's dad but I still took a leap of faith and have NEVER regretted it. I remember just trusting that if I did the right thing that things would work out OK. I need to find the strength in myself to feel that way again. I'm workin' on it.

Fighter boy update

Oh, oops, I ran into my fighter boy again.

I've been talking with AH about me moving out more seriously lately and he's been drinking every day for the past 4 days after work and hiding it from me. Don't get me wrong, I'm not STUPID. I got a clue 3 days ago when I found his empty bottle stash but he was hiding it pretty well until tonight and I'm sick of it being MY problem so I was trying not to nag him about it. I did, however, decide to get away from the house tonight because of his slurring and dumb ass behavior so I went by his brother (and wife's) house to visit and then went out with my friend to celebrate her birthday. Just when I was trying to unwind from the stress he causes, I got a call on my cell at 10:00 from my 13 yr old daughter saying that AH's kids STILL aren't in bed (bed time for them is 9:00) and AH is already asleep (aka passed out though they don't know it). So, I had to get his kids on the phone and talk out the problem with them until they finally agreed that everything was fine and that they could go to sleep. Geese, I really wish he would learn how to be somewhat of a dad for them before I move out. That REALLY puts the pressure and guilt on me for leaving.

After that and up until about midnight, I spent the night slamming tequila and crans (my usual) and watching my friend flirt with every guy in the bar (her usual) and just when I thought I was about to call it an early night, I look over and see that my fighter man is across the bar. He smiled and waved at me. I thought I was seeing things. I blinked twice and when I established that he was still there, I got up the nerve to walk over to him. "What are you doing here?' he said. "And what are you doing at the table with all those guys?" he added. "Waiting for you to show up." was all I could think of. He came over and met my friend (and the guy she was with for the night) and asked us to go with him for something to eat. So, our group rode in his HOT ASS CAR to Shari's and when I tried to order a salad, he laughed and told me to order some REAL FOOD. My kinda man. Steak quesadillas girls, with Xtra ranch. (I SO fell off the diet wagon)

Several chapstick sharing incidences and group jokes later, the short version is that he STILL likes me and we really might see each other again. I tried to ask my friends' opinions of him but they were too fucking awe struck to comment on anything but his cool car or muscles. SHALLOW SHITS. Anyway, I told ya I would update on anything thing new so that's it so far. To be continued..............

Random Shit

1. See the pic to the left: THIS is what happens when you wear tennis shoes and flip flops all winter long, buy your 1st pair of hoochie shoes for the sping season, wear them for the 1st time out on a Saturday night, drink WAY too much tequila, meet a fighter man with big muscles, dance a bunch, ignore the pain so Mr. Muscles won't see you limping and think you're too uncool for him, then discover the next morning when you wake up (in a the midst of a severe hangover) that your new adorable shoes have worn a hole in your second to littlest toe and it hurts like a muthafuckin' bitch from hell. And the absolute best thing to do after that is to not treat it with any antibiotic ointment (because your allergic to the only kind in the house), NOT even put a bandaid on it and then go out AGAIN the next night wearing socks and boots over it hoping to accidently run into Mr. Muscle again, then STILL do nothing to treat it for another 3 days. I'm here to tell ya...the shit is infected...I KNOW it is. I'm now reduced to pouring peroxide over it every hour and watching the pretty bubbles and am waiting for the red line to begin running up my leg so I can go to the freakin' hospital and get treated for blood poisoning. This pic does NOT do it justice. It HURTS people and it looks NASTY. Feel at least a little sorry for me, will ya?

2. (Reminder: I'm on a fat gram counting diet and in a weight loss contest) I have a question...When the box for the "Healthy Choice" meal I'm eating says that it's 8 grams of fat per serving and the serving size is 1 meal, have they accounting for me licking the tray? Oh and just in case you ever wondered, squeezable fat free butter sucks ASS and so does the butterISH buds sprinkle shit.

3. I am STILL recovering from tequila fest night 2006, Gatorade is my BEST friend.

4. Kharma just sneezed on me so, for the record, that makes 2 room-clearing air-freshener-resistant kitty farts and a snot-flying kitty sneeze in the last 6 hours. I hope she knows how much I love her to put up with that shit. (see previous post)

5. I'm hooked on the "Doodle Bops".

6. I put a glob of reduced fat mayonaise on the underside of AH's car door handle this morning. OK, not really, but I might do it tomorrow. The shit's gotta be good for SOMETHING.

7. I'm 34 years old and was crying this morning about my crappy childhood. That is MESSED UP!

8. AH passed out in the middle of us playing Trivial Pursuit Genious Edition. I'm finding that a little bit ironic.

9. Green tea rocks!

10. My toe still hurts.

My cat likes trashy romance novels

This is Kharma. When I found her she was so severely starved that she couldn't walk and needed help to eat soft kitten food. I was at a spot in my life where I was determined to not have a cat for a while so my daughter and I nursed her back to health for a week while I tried to find her a good home. At first, I thought I had found one but, sure enough, that fell through. So, I gave in to my (then) 6 year old's begging and paid the $250.00 NONrefundable pet deposit at my apartment and we had a kitty again. I remember thinking that she may as well have been a pedigree cat for that kind of money. I named her Kharma thinking at least maybe I'd earned some good karma for myself since I saved her an all and the rest is history.

She's 7 years old now and when she's not reading, she usually lays around sleeping, often in the bathroom sink. I guess she got that from me (the sleeping part, not the sink part). She will only drink fresh water out of a glass of her own and refuses to eat people food of any kind. She growls at the other cats when they get too close to her and she can clear a room with her kitty farts. I know that because she just did. GEESE, that stinks. I'll be right back, I gotta go find the air freshener ........................................................... Sorry about the interruption. She is actually very lady-like and dainty compared to other kitties and likes to be in the same room as me, ALWAYS. In fact, right now she's sleeping on my mouse pad. She still likes to play with the laser light and will occasionally do flips with the fake bird on the fishing pole thing. Once in a while, I can get her to play fetch or a game of hide and seek with me and my daughter. She happens to also have a head cold right now, poor baby.

I was thinking about kitties today because I scheduled our youngest two (Oscar and Mini, I'll post pics of them later) to be spayed and neutered. They're at that age now, yep, my babies are growing up! I'm an animal lover and have taken in many strays over the years. In fact, I have 3 inside kitties that were once strays and feed a very skittish one outside that we inherited when we moved in here so I hope you don't mind me quoting Bob Barker on ya. "Please, help to control the pet population, have your pets spayed and neutered". Anyway, thanks for putting up with the reminder, cheers to all you animal lovers out there and I hope you all have a great day!

Wait.......OMG!!! My cat just farted again, be thankful you don't have smell-a-post. Where the hell did I put that damn air freshener??? GottagoI'moutaherebye.

You're just jealous because I'm training to be a cage fighter

WOW. It REALLY must be my lucky week. I met another guy Saturday night. My friend had left a message on my cell phone that her and her new man would be out at our favorite spot and they wanted me to show up so I headed out there to meet up with them.

I sat at the bar waiting for them and started chatting with the little size 3 chick who sitting next to me. Her friend hadn't showed up yet, either. It turns out that we both have 13 year old daughters and after talking for a while about that, the topic turned to boys. She pointed across the way, "See that guy over there? I think he's hot." All I could see was a shaved head sticking out of the crowd. "Um, really? I don't go for the shaved head thing." She continued to check him out and he eventually ended up standing right behind her. I had to hand it to her, he was cute up close (minus the no hair thing) and the boy had a great body. Tall and thick and the man had muscles on his muscles. I decided to help her out and got his attention.

Me- "So, what does your tattoo say?"
Him- "Tough guy" he says with a grin. (Ooh, the boy also has a nice smile too.)
Me- "I'm Sherri and this is my new friend, Kammy. What's your name?"
Him- "You don't know who I am?"
Me- "Should I?"

So, he tells me his name and I motion for him to come closer so I can whisper something in his ear.

Me- "This is going to sound SO 5th grade but my friend likes you."
Him- "What about you?"
Me- "You're not my type."

He turns to my friend who is about to wet herself, smiles at me and gives her a kiss on the cheek.

Kammy's eyes bugged out of her head and she quickly excused herself to go to the ladies room. That left me and him there to chat. She was taking FOREVER. What the hell was she doing in there?

Him- "You REALLY don't know who I am, do you?"
Me- "I don't give a fuck WHO you are but you got adorable frickin' dimples, and nice eyes and nice lips......"

He laughed introduced me to his parents. We chatted a while longer and I started to notice that some people were acting a little strange around him. The usually bitchy bartender chick was making googly eyes at him (and so were some of the other size 3 chicks) and the guys seemed to think he was pretty cool too, he excused himself while he talked to a few people here and there but always came back over to where I was.

Me- "OK, I give up. Who are you?"
Him- "I'm a cage fighter."
Me- "Ha! Yeah, RIGHT!"
Him- "No, I REALLY am. Look, my eye is still a little black from my last match."
Me- "Oh, OK."
Him- "Whatever. If you don't believe me then come train with me."
Me- "Uh, Ok, Let me get this straight. You're a cage fighter and I'm supposed to come train with you? Where exactly is this supposed to happen?"
Him- "Gold's gym"
This guy really was too much.
Him- "Dad, she doesn't believe I am who I say I am."
His dad laughed.

After a while, several more people stopped to talk to him and I took the opportunity to listen in on some of the conversations. They really were talking about fighting and people were acting all impressed by him. I expected him to start signing autographs any minute. Bazaar. So, I grabbed a Keno slip and a pen and told him to write his name down.
Him- "Why?"
Me- "Because I'm Google searching your ass when I get home."
He wrote down his name and phone # and handed it back to me and then we went out on the dance floor.
Him- "NOW do you believe me?"
Me- "OK, so if you're some famous cage fighter then you expect me to believe that's your real phone # that you gave me?"
Him- "Yep, but what do you mean by I'm not your type?"

He was really nice and easy to talk to and I discovered that I really liked him so I told him so. I also told him that I wondered what he kissed like. I couldn't help myself, the words just fell outa my mouth. I guess the tequila was starting to kick in and the boy was frickin' adorable and he was being nice to me.

I had a great time hangin' out with him. Kammy said she forgave me for stealing her crush and said it seemed like he really liked me. My other friend and her boyfriend never showed up but I guess I'll forgive her too. I had a good night except I had WAY too much tequila. I'm kind of looking forward to being single again. AH picked another fight with me the next morning when I woke up and all I could say to him was "You're just jealous 'cus I'm training to be a cage fighter." ..........He has no idea why I thought that was so funny.

Update: He is NOT one of the guys on the show that's on TV right now. I don't think he's quite that famous but I was able to pull him up on a couple of web sites and verified that he definitely IS really a fighter like he said. I really don't feel OK with putting his name on here so sorry that I'm leaving that part out. I guess he hasn't been doing it for very long and he is on a fight team that is based here locally. He did call me and left a message on my voice mail when he got home that night but I wouldn't start anything with anyone anyway until I move out because I don't think that's right. I'm gonna try to keep in contact with him though and who knows? I would really like to go to one of his fights and, if I get the opportunity to, I promise that I'll write about anything new that happens. Thanks for the supportive comments, by the way, some of you have said some really nice things and I'm really liking my new blogging friends. Oh, and I added some more details that I left out earlier so if this seems a little different, that's why.

Crush

Jenna has been bugging me for over a month to take her shopping for clothes. I didn't feel very well so when she asked again today, I tried to get out of it. I was quickly given the guilt trip and reminded that I've been putting it off for weeks so I finally caved. I decided to skip the make up, ran a brush through my hair and we were on our way. We actually didn't find as much cool stuff as we were hoping for and after spending 3 hours and $150.00, we were exhausted and starving. It was already 9:30 by then and we wanted a sit down meal where we could have plenty of time to relax our aching feet and eat. We ended up at Shari's 'cus they're open 24 hours and it was on the way home.

Rewind back about a month. My friend and I went out one night singing Kareoke and ended up at Shari's for a bite to eat after closing down the bar. While we were waiting for our orders, my friend starts getting violently ill from her alcohol binge and manages to puke all over herself in one of the booths. I was horribly embarrassed for her and attempted some damage control by immediately shoving any kind of puke receptacle under her chin that I could find. She filled up 2 coffee cups, her purse and two water glasses by the time the bus boy showed up with a plastic dish tub that they used to clear the tables with.

The whole episode lasted about 10 minutes and then I tried my best to console her and clean her up enough for the ride home in my car. (I love her and all but, puke on the car seats?...uh, no way.) I asked for our meals to go, helped her out to the car and then went back in with my tail between my legs to pay for our meals. I'm swearing in my head at this point never to show my face in this establishment again and it must have showed because next thing I know, the most gorgeous guy I've seen in a way long time is telling me how great I was for taking care of my friend like I did and telling me, "Hey, don't worry about it. We've all been there at one time or another." I muttered a quick "thanks" and wondered where he materialized from all of the sudden as I walked out the door and to the parking lot where my friend and car were waiting.

I thought about him on my way home after I tucked her into her bed that night and have thought about him a few times since then also. I guess it's just not that often that I run into a guy that is tall, dark and great looking who appears to also be a nice person. It gave me some hope that there are still some great guys out there for when I become single again. I actually did see him across the room at one of the local night spots about a week after that and didn't have the nerve to go over say hi. I was thinking about what my approach might be and had looked away. When I looked back, he was gone.

Fast forward back to today. Remember how I said I wasn't wearing any makeup, was tired from shopping and looked like total freaking hell? Guess who works at Shari's? Go ahead. You'll never guess...Ok maybe you will. Yep. Mr. Great looking nice guy. He was right there when we walked in tonight looking all fine and shit, this time in his work clothes. I avoided looking directly at him as we were paraded past him to our seats. And as luck would have it, the bitch sat us in a spot where he was no more than 10 feet away from us and in plain sight the WHOLE time we were there. I kept my head turned and faced down as we enjoyed our meal and, when it was over, we went up to the register to pay. Well, I should have bought a lottery ticket on the way home because guess who also came up to the register to cash us out. Yep, HIM again! There was just no avoiding looking at him this time as he tried to make polite conversation and I'll be damned if Jenna wasn't feeling chatty and kept him talking. About us shopping and her being spoiled and how I'm the greatest Mom (she was trying to butter me up to take her shopping again tomorrow) Oh, and how I was so great to let her use my coat because she was cold and forgot hers....It went on and on and all I wanted was to sign their copy of the damn debit card receipt and get the hell outa there before I started stammering like an idiot and telling him he had the most gorgeous eyes I had ever seen. Or even worse, I might smile at him and there would be a green piece of food in my teeth just to further humiliate me. But do you know what he did this time?....That adorable boy was nice AGAIN...And acted like it was great of me to give my jacket up to my daughter when it was cold out.

WHY-THE-HELL did I not at least put make up on before I went into that place. And why is it that we can go to the grocery store or a restaraunt or to the mailbox even and look cute as hell and see NO ONE that we can show it off to but the ONE fucked up time we go into public, face all red blotchy, lips dry and chapped, freckles out in full force, eyes all red and puffy, wearing baggyass jeans and a tank top that's two sizes too big we end up having a 10 minute conversation with a male model lookalike. Somebody shoot me in the head.

It's hopeless. I'm officially pathetic. The fact that I have put this much thought into the matter just verifies that I have a sickening 6th grade crush on the cute guy at Shari's. I even already learned his name because I heard 2 people say it. Now watch, I'll start getting all dolled up wearing cleavage shirts and begging my friends to go there and eat with me every chance I can (after I figure out his work schedule of course) and then when I get there I'll hope to get seated in his section so I can be content just looking at him. Then he'll catch me showing up and staring at him all the time and find out that I've been carving hearts with our initials in them into tree trunks and get a restraining order and that will be that.

I told Jenna the whole story about him when we got out to the car and she said, "It's OK, mom I had a crush on him too while we were in there. He's cute." I'm not worried about it though. She never ever EVER gets to go there with me again because she swears she's going to embarrass me by doing a bad Sandra Bullock imitation and telling him "My mom thinks you're cuuuuuttte! She wants to daaatte you! She wants to kiiissss you. She wants to loooovve you." And I just can't take that chance.

American Idol

WHAT THE HELL was up with the American Idol Judges tonight? Telling that poor Elliot boy what a great job he did, leading him on like that? After he chain saw massacred that beautiful song. Ella Enchanted sang it better than he did. It's fucking Cruel, let him go home already. Maybe he can get a gig singing elevator music. And WTF's up with the judges' lack of comments for Paris. That little chick can SING and they should have gotten off their dumb asses and acknowledged it. I get what Paula Abdul's problem is... Anyone who heard her sing in the 80's knows she's tone deaf, but what about the other 2? They're all funking FIRED!!! Yes, I said FUNK, as in they STINK!!! I rarely talk to my television but I was hella screamin' tonight, jumpin' up and down, firing judges and shit. The kids were scared, AH took cover and all 3 cats went running. Come on, America, get Elliot the HELL off my TV set. It was fun and all and he may be a great person but his time is up. I did NOT pay my Dish bill to see his shit STILL in the competition at this point. I'm a singer so I get all kinds of fired up on American Idol. I wanted to jump through the TV and take my turn. Yep, my happy butt gets up on the Karaoke stage and ROCKS the place. I got fans all over town. They stop me in the mall, I swear it. Yeah, I know what you're thinkin'... and you just MAY see my ass on A.I. next season 'cus I SURE as hell can sing better than Elliot and Taylor. No offense to Taylor's fans, if it was supposed to be a personality contest then yeah, YOU GO BOY 'cus I like the guy too but COME ON. You gotta be fucking kidding me.

Paula in Vancouver, my friend and Taylor fan, please don't beat me up for saying that. I take it all back, honest.

Jenna

I just read someone else's blog and they were telling the story of their 1st child and it gave me the idea to do the same so here goes.

When I was 17 I lived with my grandma and dated a very sweet but not very bright boy named Eric. He liked to tell people that we met on the street corner because he saw me walking by and stopped his car to talk to me. (I didn't think it was funny either.) He lived just around the corner with his mom, had seen me several times and thought I was cute. Well, back then I was and I knew we had no future but we ended up staying together for about a year. I guess that's just what you do when you're 17. Anyway, Eric had an older brother, Chet, who had his own place, and Chet had a roommate named Guy. Guy was tall with blond hair, blue eyes and full lips and he spent most of his time combing his hair in the mirror and chasing chicks. I thought he was the most conceited person I had ever met and completely ignored him whenever we were there visiting Chet.

As time went on, Eric got very insecure and worried that I would somehow start to like Guy instead of him. After all, Eric said, Guy was very popular with the girls but I was in no way interested. He even voiced his concerns to Guy and warned him to stay away from me. How ironic that the only reason Guy and I started talking was because of Eric's paranoid jealousy. I soon discovered that Guy was really great to talk to and we became good friends. We even started working out at the gym together 5 days a week and were still friends when I eventually broke up with Eric. Guy and I ended up spending a lot of time together and he even set me up with one of his bodybuilder friends, Tom. I dated Tom for several months until one day Guy called me at work, like he often did often to chat, and said he had something important to say. Get this, he was tired of chasing empty-headed twits and had just realized how great I was. No...really! He wanted me to break up with Tom and give him a chance. Well, I had developed a secret crush on him over the past year and a half we'd been friends so I said yes.

We ended up living together on and off for the next 4 years. I think we really did love each other back then but we were young and just didn't realize how things should go. We were just not compatible as anything more than friends. We would break up and I would move out then we would miss each other so much that we'd come running back to each other again. After about our 5th break up, (seriously) I was living in my own apartment and not returning his calls. I was determined to move on this time for good. I swear he must have called nonstop for 3 weeks, leaving messages begging me to come back. Then one day the phone quit ringing. It hadn't rang in over a week when I found out I was pregnant. After several intense days, I finally decided to call and discuss it with him. I didn't know what I was gonna do but after so many years together, he at least had the right to know. It took him about 2.5 seconds to decide that he wanted to trade his motorcycle in for a 4 door sedan, marry me, buy a house and raise our child together. So we lived happily ever after...Just Kidding.

So, I moved back in with him and we gave it another shot. Everyone was sure I was having a boy. Everyone including me and I was somewhat disappointed about it but I kept it to myself. My mom and I had never gotten along and my childhood was not a happy experience. That's a whole 'nother story, but because of that, I wanted so badly to have a little girl of my own. Like a lot of children do, I promised myself that I would do things differently when I was a parent. I had it in my head that having a daughter would be like getting a second chance. By giving her a happy childhood, I could fix mine and somehow make it right. Like a do-over.

My due date was January 21st. I counted down the days and marked them off on the calendar. My water broke the morning of the 7th. We weren't even finished with Lamaze classes. During a snow storm, we carefully drove to the hospital timing my contractions the whole way. They were all over the map. 45 seconds apart and lasting 30 seconds then a minute apart and lasting 45 seconds...WTF?...this wasn't how the lamaze lady said it would go. Yeah, she also said that someone's water hardly ever breaks and goes everywhere before you can get to the hospital. The chick LIED, ok? We're talking GALLONS here, Yuk!!! The mattress had to be hauled away to the dump.

Guy's mom, Guy's sister, my mom and my grandma all met us at the hospital and they hooked me up to the monitors. I was officially admitted around 12:30 pm. After about an hour, the nurse decided that I was not dilated enough and needed to go home, labor for a while and come back later. In her guess, it would be the sometime the next day before I progressed enough to come back. Everyone decided to meet at my grandma's, which was very close to the hospital, to sit and watch me labor for awhile. I got dressed and my mom and grandma waited in the parking lot. Before I could leave, the on-call doctor needed to sign-off on me so he came in for a quick look. He asked the nurse how dilated I was and she said "only a 1/2 centimeter". He felt my abdomen and asked for an ultrasound machine to be brought in. 3 Minutes later, he is yelling to everyone within ear shot that the baby is breech and asking how long it's been since my water broke. Then he's ordering an emergency c-section and telling me that I'm not going anywhere. While my mom and grandma were being called back in from the parking lot, the head nurse was getting an ass-chewing from the doctor and 4 interns were poking at both my arms trying to start an IV. At 3:22, after I had been shaved and catheterized by a psycho, nazi, surgical prep nurse, fully conscious and with Guy at my side, they delivered my child. I waited patiently for those three little words from the doctor, and then there they were, "It's a girl." They wrapped her up and brought her over to me. Paralyzed from the neck down due to the spinal block, I awkwardly turned my head to get my first look at my daughter. I smiled at her through my tears and all I could manage to say was "I got my girl."

Guy and I stayed together until she was 10 months old and then made a mutual decision to part. At least we gave it one last try for her sake. He loves his daughter has been a great dad to her. Gentle and affectionate. She's 13 now and for most of the time he has seen her regularly. He does have a wife that is currently causing problems, (see Dead Girl Walking for more insight on that one) but I'm sure we'll get through that OK too. Guy and I get along great most of the time although we have had the occasional spat when they raise the child support. But, hey, that's to be expected. All things considered, I don't think we could have done any better. Jenna has been raised with plenty of love and care from both of us and is a well adjusted kid.

My daughter and I are very close, just like I had always hoped for. I know she's only 13 and the upcoming teen years are the toughest times but I think that if we stay respectful of each other and communicate as openly as we have, it'll be OK. I don't know what I would do without her. I swear she saves my life every day and I am fiercely protective of her. She says I'm the best mom ever and her best friend and we've got each other's back, totally. Don't get me wrong, she still has her little PMS moments and I have to nag her about her homework CONSTANTLY but she also sings with me and tells me how much she loves me. Just last night she gave me one of her big hugs. As I watched her go off to bed, I sat here and wondered how many 13 year old girls are that close to their mom. I have made many mistakes in my life but she is definitely not one of them. I don't know how I got so lucky. As long as I have her, I still get my happily ever after no matter what else is going on. I hope every loving parent out there gets to feel the same way. There's nothing like it.

Me and AH

I'm FAT so I'm on a diet

I'm not actually THAT fat. Okay, maybe I am but I get told that I carry it well. Either way, I need to drop about 75 lbs. I figure that would put me in a size 9 and back to my formerly sexy self. Hell, I gotta admit that I'm sexier now than most skinny chicks are but I'm 5'8" and wearing a size 18 in jeans. It's time for a change. And basically, I need to be half my size. I'm using this photo as a before shot. Don't make fun of me, it's Sunday and I don't have any make-up on. The plan: My friend in Vancouver and I are having a weight loss contest that officially started on 4/2/06. Here's the deal, the 1st one to lose 50 lbs pays for a night's accommodations at the coast, (drinks included of course). She's doing the Weight Watchers thing and I'm counting fat grams. We started a week ago today and I'm down 8 lbs so far. Woo Hoo! I started out 234 lbs of flab and my new digital scale says I'm down to 226. I cut out salt too though so I'm sure a lot was water weight. But ya know what? I don't care if it was. My ass is still smaller, my jeans said so when I put them on this morning. I'll post a photo occasionally if I keep shrinking. What I really need to do is get my butt to the gym. My friend has been an exercise maniac this week and I can't let her win. Game on.

AH fell off the wagon last night after 25 days, the Tequila monster got him, and he's drinking beer tonight. Not my problem, I'm not his mom. That's all I have to say about that for now.

School's going good so far, cute computer teacher. He sure beats the Hag I had Fall term that made me cry. Yes, she did and yes, I got her in trouble for it and then told her off. She called me stupid when I asked her a question on an assignment. Very traumatic for one as brilliant as I think I am. And I'm a complete emotional wimp so I had a melt down over it. Hey, mean people make me cry sometimes. Especially people in positions of authority. So, she has since been known only as the Computer Hag and I heard she decided to retire after Fall term. Wonder if it was something I said? Well, good riddins to ya, Hag, you don't deserve to shape the minds of the future. Oh, and Bite Me for making me cry and I still don't accept your lame ass apology so go F yourself.

Happy, Happy, Joy, Joy, Happy, Happy, Joy

I started classes again on Monday and just received the verdict from the College's Financial Aid Gods. They've put me back in good status so I won't have to be a total loser and drop out due to lack of funding. YAY! $$$ for me. This term's classes are gonna be cool too 'cuz I finally got smart and scheduled them all for Monday, Wednesday and Friday. Yep, I only have to get my lazy ass outa bed 3 days a week this term. Whoo-Hoo! Now I gotta get those frickin' As back.

It also works well for my moving out plan. That's me, schemin' and dreamin'. Getting out of the relationship with AH and back into my life again just me, my daughter and our 3 cats. (I know, I'm gonna be THAT crazy cat lady) It's time for setting new goals and trying not to look back. Going full speed ahead, jumpin' road blocks and swerving in and out of traffic with my whole future ahead of me. "Close a door and another one opens." And all of the other stupid cliches. Shut the damn door, already! MOVE ON. (I'm working on my positive self talk.)

Update on my daughter's step mom situation: I haven't worked her dumb ass into my schedule yet but I haven't forgotten about it. And my daughter won't be going there any time soon so I guess I can give myself some cool down time. Maybe I won't end up with my 1st assault charge after all.

Dead Girl Walking

My daughter's dad is remarried. Let's call her Pristie, because it sounds stupid and so is she. My daughter has had problems with her on and off which, since she's 13 now, I've encouraged her to try to handle in her own way. I've tried very hard not to get involved up until now but enough is enough. This was the final straw. With tears in her eyes, my daughter decided a few hours ago to tell me about her latest visit to her dad's house.

She stayed there Thursday night. Short version is that Pristie got drunk, which she does a lot now apparently, yelled and cussed at her for asking for a pillow to sleep with and then threw the pillow at her. I understand that it's her house and she can run it the way she wants but that is MY CHILD. My child who cried herself to sleep that night, wanting to come home and wondering why her step-mom hates her so much. My sweet little girl who wouldn't hurt a fly, loves animals and writing poetry and tries to see the world through rose tinted shades. OH-HELL-NO-SHE-DIDN'T.

Why, why, why do people insist on being such assholes? Every time I turn around lately I'm fired up again. Now I've got to go to this stupid bitch's house tomorrow, stick my finger up her nose and tell her exactly what will happen to her if she ever DARES to swear at my daughter and throw so much as a feather in her direction again.

And her dad is getting a talking to also. As far as I'm concerned, it's his fucking job to defend his daughter while she's with him so he needs to step up to the plate. I should knock her silly, slap him and then file child abuse charges on her dumb-ass. Throw shit and cuss at my little girl, what a low grade, ignorant, ass sucking bitch. I know what it's like to be a step mom and she has no excuse for treating someone's child like that. I can't even BELIEVE this shit.